14 Jun Audrey is One Week Old!
Wow! I can hardly believe Audrey is one week old already. Although, it also feels like a lifetime! She’s spoiled us this week and has been an absolute rockstar. Everyone talks about how hard it is to have a newborn. I may be new to this game, but Keegan is much harder to keep up with than Audrey at this point! She has a wonderful disposition so far. We only hear her complain during diaper/clothes changes or if we wake her up to eat but don’t have a bottle yet. We took her to the pediatrician on Friday to check her weight and possible labs. She was up two ounces since we left the hospital, weighing in at 5 pounds 10 ounces. The doctor thought her color was good enough to not have to recheck labs. Other than that, we’ve just been trying to adjust to our life as a family of four. We really appreciate your well wishes and prayers. They mean so much more to us than you know.
It’s really hard to sit here tonight and not think back to where we were when Keegan was one week old. It’s almost 10pm as I type. At 10pm on day seven of Keegan’s life, we were sitting in the dark waiting room of the CVICU at Children’s, praying that this was the beginning and not the end for our son. Keegan was being stabilized in the OR as Dr. Guleserian flew back to Dallas with his new life in her hands. In a few short hours, he would be the blessed recipient of a healthy heart. Tonight, I sit here typing as Gray holds Audrey next to me. She just finished her bottle and is happily enjoying time with her Daddy. It’s so different from everything I have known this far. I have no frame of reference for anything she is doing now or will do for the rest of her life. In the same breath, I am hopeful and ecstatic for her and yet full of grief for what we were denied with Keegan. I know he is well and happily sleeping in the room down the hall now. I love his smile and the insane energy he always seems to have despite his struggles. But it certainly doesn’t make it any easier when I remember our past.
I read this post by Angie Smith this evening. Angie lost her fourth child at birth, and she just gave birth to a new baby girl a few weeks ago. We actually were due with our girls the same day. In that post, Angie describes a conversation she had with one of her older daughters, who had just broken her arm while doing a cartwheel. She made her daughter promise her that she wouldn’t let the pain of what happened keep her from enjoying cartwheels in the future, and she realized the poignancy of that advice to her own experience of having another child after losing one. Tonight, I’m comforted by her words. I cannot let my fears of the pain I have experienced with and for Keegan keep me from enjoying Audrey…or imagine what I might miss.
I don’t want to miss a minute with either of these two miracles.
